


repress and forget

by thesaltking



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: C137cest, M/M, hopefully ill add more chapters and complete this someday, inspired by the toxic rick and morty ep, just rambling tbh, kinda angsty??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 10:32:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12057162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesaltking/pseuds/thesaltking
Summary: rick and morty don't like to think about their feelings.





	repress and forget

**Author's Note:**

> this is shitty and I didn't read it after writing it so uhhhhhhhhhh take this I wanna die tell me if you want this continued into an actual story

He wanted to say so much.

The poor boy whisked his thoughts away like a soft breeze, and made him feel like everything was going to be okay.

But he couldn’t tell him that.

He had to be like all the other ricks. Stone hard and cold- no emotion other than not giving a fuck. But he had feelings. He repressed those feelings, since he knew they were wrong, and his mind labelled them as toxic.   
So when he was split into two versions of himself, his love for Morty was on the toxic side, whilst love for everyone else wasn’t.   
He was afraid that the entire escapade would shatter his façade. But the young boy wasn’t bright enough to actually think about it. He never stopped to think about why his grandfather’s love for him was labelled as toxic in his mind.

Well, there was a simple reason.

It was the wrong type of love- forbidden. 

Not allowed by the general public, something labelled as taboo. Outlawed- and frowned upon. Rick knew he was disgusting for thinking this way.   
But there wasn’t anything he could do. 

All he could do was repress, and forget. That was about it. He could never tell Morty how he really felt. 

He loved him wrongly.

And that’s all there was to it. 

 

Morty never really dwelled on anything until he was split apart- when his body became everything he wanted to be and everything he hated about himself.

He only realized when he was in his toxic form, that he felt things. He felt things he shouldn’t have. And he didn’t want to come to terms with it. His entire existence became unworthy all at once, as if he didn’t feel that way before. All of his suicidal thoughts came from the back to the front of his mind, and all of his insecurities amplified, and made himself realize the horrible child he was. 

He felt dirty. He needed to be cleansed. But how do you do that when you’re surrounded with unending filth? He decided there was no point, and that he could probably just die and it would be better than enduring the thoughts in his head. But Rick wouldn’t let that happen- no matter how many times he said that he wanted to die, or he didn’t deserve to live, rick would just tell him “No, you piece of shit. You have to stay alive or fucking else.” 

And Morty couldn’t tell if that meant that he cared or not. 

So he didn’t bother. He just wanted to be comatose for a while. 

When he was finally back in his regular self, he knew more than before. He realized that is bad qualities override his good ones, and that he wouldn’t be able to change that fact.

But he couldn’t figure out why he had felt that way. His grandpa was old, and gross, but Morty could infer that he cared. That was heartwarming to him. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about how he had felt when in his toxic state. 

His love split into two, the good part in his good self, and the bad part in the bad. 

So now he knew. 

He was disgusting. 

And he couldn’t do anything about it.

He tried the method rick used for anything he didn’t want to think about: repress and forget. 

So he did. 

He could never tell rick he felt that way- of course it would only end in utter shit. So he vowed to never think about it as long as he could. And he hoped it would stay that way for longer than it did.


End file.
